A Trekkie's Tale Revisited: Now With Commentary
by AlexAmericus
Summary: HEY! I'm fully aware this was written as a joke, so before you go questioning my reasoning skills...Hey guys, this is my holiday gift to everyone since my own parody series is coming along with the consistency of frozen molasses. This particular fanfiction was written pretty much as to model what a Mary Sue is and does. Rated 'T' for my ridiculously foul mouth.


**Happy Fucking Holidays everyone!**

**See that up there? ^ That is how ambiguity is done.**

**This was recommended to me by MegaGiga. Go read their stuff as I believe in supporting fellow authors that support you unless I forget like the horrible person that I am.**

_A TREKKIE'S TALE _

_By Paula Smith_

"Gee, golly, gosh, gloriosky," thought Mary Sue as she stepped on the bridge of the Enterprise. "Here I am, the youngest lieutenant in the fleet **[How convenient.]** - only fifteen and a half years old." **[Barely legal.]** Captain Kirk came up to her.

"Oh, Lieutenant, I love you madly. **[Pedophilia. *ding*]** Will you come to bed with me?" **[Statutory rape. *ding*]**

"Captain! I am not that kind of girl!" **[Typical. *ding*]**

"You're right, and I respect you for it. Here, take over the ship for a minute while I go get some coffee for us." **[How many dings are doing to be in this thing? Also: Putting your complete faith in an adolescent child. *ding*]**

Mr. Spock came onto the bridge. "What are you doing in the command seat, Lieutenant?" **["Because I'm a Mary Sue and I have taken you, the Captain, and everyone aboard The Enterprise hostage with my black magic."]**

"The Captain told me to." **[Close enough.]**

"Flawlessly logical. I admire your mind." **[I half expected him to request to harvest it for studies when she's dead.]**

Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy and Mr. Scott beamed down with Lt. Mary Sue to Rigel XXXVII. **[Well, that was quick.]** They were attacked by green androids and thrown into prison. **[Will there be waterboarding?]** In a moment of weakness Lt. Mary Sue revealed to Mr. Spock that she too was half Vulcan. **[Cliché. *ding*]** Recovering quickly, she sprung the lock with her hairpin and they all got away back to the ship. **[Nope. They're all dead. I have never watched Star Trek, but I know that that act would've been impossible to do without at least some fighting.]**

But back on board, Dr. McCoy and Lt. Mary Sue found out that the men who had beamed down were seriously stricken by the jumping cold robbies , **[...What the who now?]** Mary Sue less so. While the four officers languished in Sick Bay, Lt. Mary Sue ran the ship, **[Course she did. Did she crash it?]** and ran it so well she received the Nobel Peace Prize, **[Apparently not. Dammit.]** the Vulcan Order of Gallantry and the Tralfamadorian Order of Good Guyhood. **[...Excuse me while I laugh hysterically on the floor.]**

However the disease finally got to her and she fell fatally ill. **[Unlike everyone else, who seemed to get over it pretty quickly as if it were a common cold. Does this particular Sue have an immunodeficiency?]** In the Sick Bay as she breathed her last, she was surrounded by Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy, and Mr. Scott, **[Okay, now I **_**do**_** know that there's more people than that on The Enterprise. Where the hell is everybody? Is this damn starship manned by a skeleton crew?]** all weeping unashamedly at the loss of her beautiful youth and youthful beauty, **[Redundancy is redundant.]** intelligence, capability and all around niceness. Even to this day her birthday is a national holiday of the Enterprise. **['National holiday of the Enterprise'...*laughs hysterically*]**

**Author's Rambling:**

**That was easy.**

**This is my gift to you guys for the holidays (conveniently posted on Christmas morning, I'm beginning to question myself and my ambiguity) since my Sue-Slaying parody story is coming along pretty slowly.**

**Happy Motherfucking Holidays, Minions! Stay safe, and take care of one another!**

**-AlexAmericus**

**P.S. I am fully aware that this was made as a joke.**


End file.
